Cancer

I have come to the conclusion that in life nothing can be determined. We make choices that lead to certain consequences, and then we make other choices because of those consequences and then we make more choices. It is amazing how it was created that way. That we would/could have a choice in so many things in the world. And then there is the whole idea of love wrapped up in choices too, but that is something for another day. Interestingly enough, I don't know that I would go back in time to choose a different journey for my mom. Sure, I wouldn't want her to have to deal with all the side effects again, but the lessons I have learned from her are so valuable. Strength in the midst of adversity. The fire is raging around and there is such a peace in her heart. The idea of don't worry about tomorrow really resonates in her heart. I went to a survivors walk with my parents and this woman got up to share that she had been in a battle for 9 years and was currently in remission. I realized that day that I was a bit envious of her. The ability of not worrying about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough worries of it's own. Living for today meant so much more to her. I think that in life I spend so much time wishing that tomorrow would arrive so that I can do whatever it is that is so important for me to get done tomorrow, that I miss today. My mom doesn't have to worry about tomorrow. She just has this great sense of reality that today is today. Like when God spoke to Moses and told him to come up to the mountaintop and just be with me on the mountaintop. Seems as though we were wired that we would be looking for the next mountaintop, not just enjoying the place we are at. I spend so much of my time hoping that tomorrow happens, but what about today? Right now, as I sit here typing, what is the significance of that? Probably a lot more then I know. To be able to express what my mom means to me at the moment. That's huge.